This very well may be one of the most controversial posts I will ever write, but one that is absolutely necessary, because frankly – I am SICK of reading about it. It is something that has been addressed more than a few times, but never by me… These are my words to you.
The nonsense needs to stop. I’m referring to the catty comparison game of a ‘Supermom’ or ‘Soccer mom’ or ‘Over-achiever mom’ vs. the ‘Laid back mom’ or ‘NON-Supermom’ – or ‘WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT’ – MOM.
You see, I’m not into NAME GAMES. I don’t name call. I don’t label. I do not categorize. I don’t think it’s funny and I don’t think it’s cute. What I do think is that you are wasting your time and efforts if you fall into this trap. Period.
Frankly, I’ve never read a single article or post from a ‘Supermom’ slamming a ‘NON-supermom’ for not baking school treats from scratch. Or for not cleaning the crumbs out of her minivan. Or for not making that birthday party last Saturday just a little more ‘fabulous’. In contrast, what I DO read are things like this:
You Supermoms go over-the-top with your crafts, baking, and volunteering for every school function you can think of, just to prove to the world that you can do it all.’ OR ‘Enough is enough! Quit putting pressure on us other moms to do more!’ Or how about, ‘Well, that’s great that you do that and all, but a TRUE Supermom actually spends time with her kids. Or wipes their bottoms. Or lets the house get messy b/c kids just need to have fun’! (Apparently one is not capable of crafting AND caring for her kids???)
Ironic, no? You see, you don’t like feeling judged, and yet you are judging. In fact, you are the ONLY one judging. Now, that may not be true in all cases, but in my case it is.
Let me just throw it out there that I do NOT claim to be a Supermom by mainstream standards. Though I have been referred to as one many times, I’m not even CLOSE. In fact, part of my blogging mission is to show my imperfections and weaknesses- because by mainstream standards, there IS NO SUPERMOM! It is all an illusion. But since you like to call people like me that, we’ll just go with it for now.
Let’s paint a scenario:
It’s your birthday.
You have two children, Amy and Bobby. Amy loves art and finds any excuse to paint. She is beyond thrilled to surprise you with her latest masterpiece as a birthday gift. Bobby, on the other hand, is your typical boy who loves playing sports, rough housing, and getting down and dirty in the mud. Art is definitely not his thing, so he decides to gift you with a nice, big hug and some flowers he picked from the garden.
Is Amy’s creation in any way taking away from Bobby’s gift? Would you discourage Amy from pursuing her passions in the off chance that it might make Bobby uncomfortable or because it may appear that she is bragging or showing off? Or would you accept them as individuals and praise them for who they uniquely are? My hope is the latter.
How is the scenario above any different from mine? Let me put it into perspective for you. When you point the finger and make jokes at us supermoms, you are telling me to stifle my joys. My passions. You are telling me to adjust all in the name of keeping everyone ‘comfortable’. I ask you, Why? SO WHAT if I go ‘over the top’ on my child’s birthday party (because I happen to love it and get a little too caught up in the moment? I never had parties like that growing up, so I love it as much as my children!) Why does that make you feel inferior? Why do you then feel pressured to do the same? I can assure you that if you felt the need to design your own software or if you happened to discover a revolutionary breakthrough, I most certainly wouldn’t feel pressured to match that! And you know what? I would applaud you for a job well done! I happen to love any and all things crafty, and guess what?! I seem to be decent at it! I will continue to pursue anything that strikes my fancy to the fullest and I hope you do the same.
I love spending time with my children! If that means volunteering for all school functions just to be there with them, then that is what I will do! In fact, that is exactly what I did last year! I volunteered to be homeroom mom and I attended every freaking function there was – 2 other small children in tow.
Trust when I say that there is no way in hell I would deal with that stress just to prove a point to anyone! And this year? Well, this year we homeschool.
You see, before I endured my parents God-awful divorce, my Mother was very involved in my school. She attended parties, award ceremonies, and was our choir pianist. Her being there gave me the warm and fuzzies and brings back some of the happiest moments in my life. I want to give that to my children. So believe it or not, it has nothing to do with you – or about me proving anything!!! And it most certainly does not mean that I think you should do the same!
If you are in a constant state of comparison or judgement, I ask you to look inward and question why it matters? That’s where the issue lies and that is the only way to resolve it. And for the record, I agreed to play along with these ‘titles’ for the sake of this post, but I’m exhausted referring to each of us in a categorical manner!
What does ‘SuperMom’ even mean, anyway?! Let’s look at its definition:
SuperMom: Noun Informal
An exemplary or exceptional mother, especially one who successfully manages a home and brings up children.
I’m still scratching my head over this one. How did baking, crafting, and whatnot equate to being Super Mom? It doesn’t seem to be in the definition. Yet, it is something we are labeled. I can guarantee you we didn’t label ourselves that! In regard to me, it’s not for anyone else to decide other than me, my husband, and my children. Do I care for them? Do I spend time with them? Do they feel loved? How do my children and husband perceive me? Let’s find out in this impromptu video clip:
There you have it! I’m the best mommy everrrrrr… and I love crackers! Lol. (Though I’m pretty sure THIS is the real reason I’m the best mommy EVERRRR):
Yes, you are seeing that correctly. A trampoline has been sitting in the middle of our living room since Santa brought it Christmas morning. I have every intention to move it to our backyard but it’s FREEZING out and I don’t have the heart to do it just yet. I regress…
Do you see these adorable little faces?? THIS is what matters to me. THIS is why I do what I do.
Let our family be our priority – not what you think others may be thinking of you. We can’t live to please others because there will always be someone that doesn’t agree with our choices. And I can assure you that in this regard the only thing that crosses my mind on the occasion is why I am constantly having to defend myself!
Lastly, and most importantly, let us all redefine the mainstream definition of a Supermom. A mother who loves. A mother who cares. A mother that provides. A mother that interacts. I’d like to think that MOST OF US ARE SUPERMOMS. All set out to do the best that we can with and for our family, and hopefully enjoy some of our passions along the way. Whatever they may be. So kuddos to you, Supermom. Let us all stop the comparisons and judgements, and celebrate our different passions and unique differences.